The End, to a New Beginning

The 31st of December, 2010.

The end of not only a year, but a whole decade. It seems like another chapter of another era is winding up. Flashbacks, in the oddest manner, are provoking my memories. It is not as if I'm not prepared to let go. Who said I'm letting go? Nope, I'm moving on. Moving on, and taking a lot with me. Optimism apart, it's for real!

Letting the nostalgia overwhelm me as I go back in time...

I started the new millennium with Oak field Public School's special song Millennium, the future has begun.

I remember splintering my left forefinger three times in a row and falling flat on my face, injuring my nose which still seems to be under the influence and never have recovered from the deformation!

The melody-less tone of a bunch of 9 year olds singing " Oh Canada, our home and native land." every single morning till May '00 still echoes in my ears.

The dawn of 12 July '00, a life changing day it was. I can still feel the breeze through my hair as I rode a bicycle, down the street, regardless the fact that I was going to leave those streets from that day onward.

Yes, I left Mississauga, ON, CA and flew all the way to Sargodha, PN, PAK to lead the next ten years.

The drastic changes, the influence of a whole new dimension of the world.

I had landed on a soil, where being myself wasn't ever going to be enough, and till this very day, I stand by that statement.

Being yourself is never enough, for others. But for yourself, it is and always will be about you.

Through the years, I learnt a lot. I gained a lot, I lost even more.

I was forced to learn a language that I preferred others to speak. I was called names, for being who I was. Well, at least I was a source of entertainment! Whether it was the issue of my weight or my accent. I'm not bothered by being teased anymore, at least a few people get to laugh because of me.

I had to learn the sensitivity of issues like friendship. And yes, judging the book by it's label, is indeed the worst interpretation one could ever make! Calling someone your friend, doesn't make them so. And you don't always have to call someone your friend, who you know, is your friend, and always will be. Some relations are beyond the labels we give them. But, I have understood, that we should consider people like items in a grocery store. Everyone has their own tag, their own company, their own label, their own quality. Brand conscious people prefer some products over the other. Some people like certain products due to certain qualities that suit them. We change our first impressions about anything, twenty times in the first fifteen minutes of the first encounter. Then ten years? Impressions are long gone.

The impact and importance of words beyond actions helped me befriending words instead of humans! Words are a one word oxymoron. They are like that ancient example of roses and thorns, on the same stem.

I found out that blood relations are an excuse to link yourself to a person, who would, otherwise, be a stranger. Maybe, even someone who you'd never ever want to meet in your life. Sometimes, I'm convinced to draw the line, are blood relations really meant to be in my life? Would I have included them in my life if I were given the option?

I was like a phoenix through my school and college life. I burnt myself to ashes, and now, I've regenerated from those very ashes that I burned down to!

The laughs, the tears, the social consciousness, the boundaries and the barriers... Growing up from that ten year old idiot, through the terrible teenage years of being a brat and now being a late-teen young adult on her way to her twenties, not any less than an idiots, though. It was crazy. It was amazing. It was terrible. It was a roller coaster ride that even made me nauseous, it made me cry, scream, laugh, go hysteric. But after the ride, all I could say was; Life is wonderful!

I did not chose my life, but I wouldn't ask for an alternative.

I don't have the picture perfect memories, but whose asking for perfection? It is the imperfection of my life that makes me love everything about it! I've discovered my true self through my life.

My life is like a cardboard box with holes. I live in my own box, and dominate my life with elegance to excellence like the best doll in her doll house. Through the holes, I see beyond my range, the world. The world that I'd love to discover. No, I am not afraid of the big bad world out there. I don't say I'm strong and unbeatable. But, I know I will get up again, every time I fall! I might be too young, I might be too ambitious, I might be too over smart, I might even be obnoxious! That doesn't matter, to me. Why? Because,

I desire, so, I am.

So, from the moment, I came to this country, I went through a lot. Everyone has! But it all lead to the last, and one of the best memories of my life with which I concluded my year. I got the chance to extend a hand out of one hole of my box. I met people from all over the country at an All Pakistan Debate Competition organized by the prestigious Pakistan Air Force Academy. I met people from all over the country. At first, I was terrified! I was depressed. I was torn. I had never been out of my box, my perfect doll house, where I had the limelight. Here, I learned to share the limelight. I've learnt to be moderate, neither selfish, nor selfless. I've learned to intermingle, share, learn, express, impress, listen, and talk! A whole new world beyond my world. It seems like a brand new era is about to dawn upon me with this ray of sunshine as a glimpse.

Whats there in counting the years? What is there in sorrow or joy over the turning pages of a calender?

Life might be a mathematical numerical for some people, to measure in time, days, weeks, months and years. But for me? The moments are all that matter.