A new horizon

A new horizon seems to be dawning. What shall it lead to? A catastrophe or brilliant mirage?
Where approaches seem to change, consciousness seems to evolve. Is this a revolution, or realization?
Many unanswered questions, left upon time, to answer. And what shall we do with the answers? They shall only satisfy the hunger of our minds and souls. Because having solid facts is what human nature always craves for. We always want properly proportioned measures of life. Though, equilibrium faces constant turbulence, whether evident or rather suppressed.
Obvious or not, things are changing, they always have, they always will. Now, it depends upon the mind, to accept it or not. Whatever our mind accepts, is what we believe and whatever our mind rejects, if what we refuse to believe. The world is what we want it to be. Everyone has their own world, they prefer to include the things they like, and exclude the things that they do not like. Our world keeps on changing, with the development of our acceptance and tolerance. Recluses are those, with the most limited and self-centered worlds of all. But even those, with larger radii of their own worlds, end up saying, "It's a small world after all."
The world isn't small, it is round. If you start running from one point, you can run around the whole world, and end up at the same place, sometime or the other.
What the world is, and what we want it to be, is basically what we make of it.
Make the best of what you've got. It's the only world you're getting, at least, for now.

Fools Never Differ?

       Fools? Who are they? Oh I dare not compile a list, 6 billion humans, and so many to be called fools. But why would we call someone a fool in the first place? Well, I'd say, we divide people on their level of mental capacity to grasp and respond to a situation.
Some of the know-it-alls just blurt out some extensively so-not-understandable compilation of the oddest vocabulary, that one calls them a genius! Start with a certain opinion that we, later on, plea to shut the over flow of wisdom to save us from further doom! This type could be catagorized as overdosed educators.
Some God gifted humans don't need a stimulus to respond to. It's like one of those leaky taps at home, that you prefer to ignore rather than get it fixed. I call them the leaky couldrens inspired by Harry Potter, indeed! It's like it leaks the useful stuff, but it leaks everytime you make anything in it. Otherwise, it's just plain empty.
Then there is the philosophical category. They're like a nuclear reaction of the most amusingly boring philosophies. If we'd ever make an effort to preserve their wisdom, we'd start a new nuclear project called the philosophy plant code d-o-n-t-b-o-t-h-e-r. But I guess my brain is too occupied with the dread of doing the dishes tonight, that I'd even advise someone to do that!
And then comes my favorite category, the fools! These amazing species of human beings are a speculation of wonder. How can one's brain be so ignorant toward the reality of...let me sum it up as...everything!
Some of them seem to have signed a truce with their brain, that they shall percieve. They're brain acts like an inbox, and only an inbox. Yet when it comes to responding, they're brain will shut down like a corrupt operating system of a computer. As soon as you're about to load the movie you downloaded in ages, it computer's screen goes black, then there is that smal spark in the center of the screen, a tiny spark of hope, but then...The blank blackness prevails.
Some fools are quite intriguing. Their intellect is like traffic lights. It goes red and green deciding when to let the traffic pass and when to stop. Intelligence comes and goes, then comes and goes, and comes again yet goes away. But in between the stop and go process, the yellow light lets the slow access of intellect possible, too!
The best and most obvious type of fools, are those, who are like a bathroom and a drain, without a sevege connection! Like a refridgerator without a plug. Like a human with a brain but without a connection for the two to work together. Maybe fools feel too bossed around by their brain and their slogan could be freedom from the conventional intelligance! I think these people are rather brave, to decide to live with their brains but without using them. Just like the saas in Indian Soap dramas has to live with the bahu.
So, my question of the day is, who on earth said that fools never differ? If he were wise, and wise men think alike, then why'd he equalize the fools! Fools do not think alike, I guess, that is why they act alike, which makes them quite the same. Oww, my brain hurts! But God bless the person who made this proverb, he must've been such a naive fella, preaching equality and brotherhood among fools.

Heavy Hearted

The race.
You're always running ahead of your reality. You're ignorant for the sake of survival.
Eventually, there comes a time, when you have to look into the eyes of your reality. No matter how brutal it might be, no matter how much you despise it, it is true and it exists.
When everything seems to be static, life seems to be stagnant, you just don't know what to do about it. It's is the way it is, nothing more, nothing less.
You have certain things, that you want to be more than what they are, but it's not the right time.
You don't have other things, and you just hope that they are the right ones.
Even when you feel that everything is as right as it can get, there are moments, when you probably aren't in the right situation to handle it.
But then, when was life about perfection? You can't expect everything to always be right and perfect.
Expectations are what make life so complicated.
It's never about perfection, it never was. It is about striving for the thing that you think, feel and accept to be perfect.
My perfect isn't necessarily your perfect, and vice versa.

My perfect is about being happy with what you've got, and working hard, being ambitious about getting what you haven't got.
There is no finality to the infinity of perfection. It's a continuous process, like, levels in a video game. You play the game and level by level, it gets tougher. Sometimes, you get the chance to repeat the level and learn from your mistakes. At other times, you have to start all over again.

The key is, to learn from your mistakes. Try to understand the way you can get through life in the best way possible. And the best way isn't universal, it is individual. It's what you think and should know, is the best for you.

Live and love life... It might be short, it might be long, but it can be beautiful, if you want it to be so.

Would you prefer tangling yourself in the thorns? Or ignore the pain, regardless it's existence and enjoy the beauty and pleasure of the roses?

Who I Am

It's all about

" I "

Who? Me? Ah, I'm all about intensity and contradictions.

I am a paradox, my identity is my name. I've spent 19 years in this world, and they've been, what I'd call, an overdose of life. What about my physical features, is that supposed to matter? As I have a physical existence, I guess these things describe much of what to expect from a person's personality.

I'm a student. Majoring in English Literature and Language at a local University. Thanks to my subject and teachers, I've been able to polish and enhance my senses. I'm vigilant and quick. I think before I speak, and I know how to convince people on my point, without any controversy.

My defensive and impulsive skills are extremely strong. I can be witty and sarcastic to down right harsh. I don't like making a mountain out of a molehill, I prefer non-violent and peaceful settlement of disputes. I will never disclose anything that I don't want to, no matter whatever on earth you say to me. I can see through words and detect the motivation behind them. From flattery to sincerity, I know how to categorize words.

My sun sign is Scorpio, and I'm a heck of an astrological sign obsessed maniac. I find my sign interesting, mysterious and it describes me well enough.

I love my eyes. The people who've learned to understand me through my eyes have always been close to me. My eyes lead to a depth of abstraction. I like that about me.

I like being a girl, but I'm neither a feminist, nor a tomboy. I like expressing myself for the way I can be as a girl. But I also like to manage my personality as a human being, keeping in mind gender roles. I have no concern with the whole girls versus boys battle of eternity. Everyone is unique and I respect that.

I'm fiercely determined and independent. I hate when someone doubts my ambitions or my abilities. I am well aware of what I can do and what I can't, or won't. I'll always stand by what I am able to do and won't hesitate to confess what I am not able to do. My strong willpower doesn't allow me to accept defeat easily.

I'm rarely stubborn. I hate nagging. I prefer being persistent about something that I really consider worth the effort. Whether it's a laptop, or a lipgloss.

I am turned on and amused by electronic gadgets. I like cameras and love photography. I am not obsessed with iphones, no matter how amazing it might be. I prefer blackberry.

I am not a social butterfly. But I like intermingling with people who intrigue me. If I appreciate someone's personality, I will socialize with them, even if I'm the one who has to take the first step. Initially, I prefer to observe and analyze the person. Then, if I'd like to take our co-ordination to the next level, I'll open up to them and discuss/share things. At a certain stage, when I find out what that person is like, when totally free and open, then I either keep them in my life or don't. There's nothing in between. Either someone stays in my life, or they don't.

It might be said that the first impression is the last impression, but I'm trying to develop my skills of judging people on the basis of a long term impression. The first impression gives away a lot about the person, indeed. But my judgments are never final, I keep quite a flexible opinion and it might vary from time to time. I can have several opinions about the same person and describe them in many dimensions.

Creativity and Music are my passion. I would never limit them to any certain era, sect or culture. I am creative and appreciate creativity. I love things that challenge and provoke my intellectual abilities. As for music, I listen to almost every main genre of music except for metal rock. I appreciate meaningful music that I can always relate myself to. I love connecting myself to music.
I dislike and disapprove the excess of things, whether material or not. I like to keep a rational proportion.

I am honest even to the point of hurting someone. If you have ask for an opinion, you will get the brutal truth, without any sugar coating. I hate false compliments and do not know how to flatter. However, if I do say something nice, you can be assured that it is truly sincere and is coming straight from the heart.

I can even be downright moody for no apparent reason. I have an annoyingly excellent memory, combined with an inability to let things go. If I want to, I can hold a grudge against someone who did harm. In fact, I rarely forgive and forget.
On the other hand, I always remember a kind gesture forever and repay it. Any kind selfless gesture done to will gain my trust and respect, which is extremely important to me in any relationship, either romantic or not.

Friendship has always been an issue of controversy in my life. But I've learned a lot from it. Those who I befriend, hold a stronger bond than my blood relations in my life. I'm willing to be a true friend as long as you are worth it.
I'm evidently possessive and jealous but on the other hand, extremely loyal. All I could advise you, is to be honest and in return, I will be an amazing friend you will never forget and who will be loyal to you.
Relationships are very personal to me. When something in my life is labelled "private", it is meant to be private.
But if I love and care for someone, I don't hesitate in displaying that in public. Yet, I despise exploiting the sanctity of privacy and destroy anything that penetrates the purity of that relationship.

If you've managed to read this much about me, then I guess I intrigue you, or you're extremely bored and do not have anything to do.

I appreciate the effort.

P. S. I used the word, I, 85 times.

The End, to a New Beginning

The 31st of December, 2010.

The end of not only a year, but a whole decade. It seems like another chapter of another era is winding up. Flashbacks, in the oddest manner, are provoking my memories. It is not as if I'm not prepared to let go. Who said I'm letting go? Nope, I'm moving on. Moving on, and taking a lot with me. Optimism apart, it's for real!

Letting the nostalgia overwhelm me as I go back in time...

I started the new millennium with Oak field Public School's special song Millennium, the future has begun.

I remember splintering my left forefinger three times in a row and falling flat on my face, injuring my nose which still seems to be under the influence and never have recovered from the deformation!

The melody-less tone of a bunch of 9 year olds singing " Oh Canada, our home and native land." every single morning till May '00 still echoes in my ears.

The dawn of 12 July '00, a life changing day it was. I can still feel the breeze through my hair as I rode a bicycle, down the street, regardless the fact that I was going to leave those streets from that day onward.

Yes, I left Mississauga, ON, CA and flew all the way to Sargodha, PN, PAK to lead the next ten years.

The drastic changes, the influence of a whole new dimension of the world.

I had landed on a soil, where being myself wasn't ever going to be enough, and till this very day, I stand by that statement.

Being yourself is never enough, for others. But for yourself, it is and always will be about you.

Through the years, I learnt a lot. I gained a lot, I lost even more.

I was forced to learn a language that I preferred others to speak. I was called names, for being who I was. Well, at least I was a source of entertainment! Whether it was the issue of my weight or my accent. I'm not bothered by being teased anymore, at least a few people get to laugh because of me.

I had to learn the sensitivity of issues like friendship. And yes, judging the book by it's label, is indeed the worst interpretation one could ever make! Calling someone your friend, doesn't make them so. And you don't always have to call someone your friend, who you know, is your friend, and always will be. Some relations are beyond the labels we give them. But, I have understood, that we should consider people like items in a grocery store. Everyone has their own tag, their own company, their own label, their own quality. Brand conscious people prefer some products over the other. Some people like certain products due to certain qualities that suit them. We change our first impressions about anything, twenty times in the first fifteen minutes of the first encounter. Then ten years? Impressions are long gone.

The impact and importance of words beyond actions helped me befriending words instead of humans! Words are a one word oxymoron. They are like that ancient example of roses and thorns, on the same stem.

I found out that blood relations are an excuse to link yourself to a person, who would, otherwise, be a stranger. Maybe, even someone who you'd never ever want to meet in your life. Sometimes, I'm convinced to draw the line, are blood relations really meant to be in my life? Would I have included them in my life if I were given the option?

I was like a phoenix through my school and college life. I burnt myself to ashes, and now, I've regenerated from those very ashes that I burned down to!

The laughs, the tears, the social consciousness, the boundaries and the barriers... Growing up from that ten year old idiot, through the terrible teenage years of being a brat and now being a late-teen young adult on her way to her twenties, not any less than an idiots, though. It was crazy. It was amazing. It was terrible. It was a roller coaster ride that even made me nauseous, it made me cry, scream, laugh, go hysteric. But after the ride, all I could say was; Life is wonderful!

I did not chose my life, but I wouldn't ask for an alternative.

I don't have the picture perfect memories, but whose asking for perfection? It is the imperfection of my life that makes me love everything about it! I've discovered my true self through my life.

My life is like a cardboard box with holes. I live in my own box, and dominate my life with elegance to excellence like the best doll in her doll house. Through the holes, I see beyond my range, the world. The world that I'd love to discover. No, I am not afraid of the big bad world out there. I don't say I'm strong and unbeatable. But, I know I will get up again, every time I fall! I might be too young, I might be too ambitious, I might be too over smart, I might even be obnoxious! That doesn't matter, to me. Why? Because,

I desire, so, I am.

So, from the moment, I came to this country, I went through a lot. Everyone has! But it all lead to the last, and one of the best memories of my life with which I concluded my year. I got the chance to extend a hand out of one hole of my box. I met people from all over the country at an All Pakistan Debate Competition organized by the prestigious Pakistan Air Force Academy. I met people from all over the country. At first, I was terrified! I was depressed. I was torn. I had never been out of my box, my perfect doll house, where I had the limelight. Here, I learned to share the limelight. I've learnt to be moderate, neither selfish, nor selfless. I've learned to intermingle, share, learn, express, impress, listen, and talk! A whole new world beyond my world. It seems like a brand new era is about to dawn upon me with this ray of sunshine as a glimpse.

Whats there in counting the years? What is there in sorrow or joy over the turning pages of a calender?

Life might be a mathematical numerical for some people, to measure in time, days, weeks, months and years. But for me? The moments are all that matter.

Innovation

Love is supposed to be full of surprises... But what if you run out of ideas...??
Creativity and spontaneity spark up our lives!

An Ode to Myself

Oh dearest self,

So here I am...writing again. I seem to have grown out of things. I've grown out of things that I tended to cling to just in order to attain self-security.But then, I figured out, self-security is not attained by external sources, nor can it be acquired by contentment of the external atmosphere. Self-security includes the word "self", and self means you. So no one else is going to make you safe and secure, you are going to make yourself secure.

Understanding myself is the basic key to self satisfaction, thats what I needed. I've been trying to understand myself. But that is technically impossible! Human nature is unpredictable and I am impulsive. This leads to vigorous reaction of something that not even the most learned and skilled psychoanalasysts can predict.

Predictions are things that make you lose your self confidence. You lose the ability to believe that you can do something. you start planning things and force them to go the way you have set your mind to take it. But even behind that plan, you your own force, your own will to do that. Why don't we understand that we are the ones who make and break things? Why do we refuse to accept the responsibility? It is our life and we are the ones who control it. No one else did, is or will.

(originally posted on SATURDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2010 at 06:05am)