Spectacle

Look into my eyes, and look at my face
Then lie to me that you don't see the ache

A fragment within me, is now, dead
As unheard footsteps, on my dreams, tread

Break through my ribs and tear out my heart
Watch me! As I fall apart

But you promised!

It's amusing, how random words from random sources might be so relateable. The universality of human nature connects us to each other. The context might be different, but the essence is the same.

This particular quote is from a TV show I have grown very fond of. Who doesn't like their favorite character being killed off as soon as they become likeable? Might as well die before they become despicable. But that moment, when you have to grasp the idea that you won't be seeing more of that character anymore provokes some baser emotions.

A state of denial tends to overwhelm us and then we seek escape. It would be better to just leave it all behind and move towards some new horizon. The disgust of bitter betrayal makes us feel like we have been  victimized. Which leads to over thinking, over analyzing and unnecessary contemplation. A big fat mess, that's what it is.

But escape is not the solution. We can't just get a ticket to no-land and burn the glorious present to ashes, can't we? Or can we? In order to maintain the balance of our lives, we make certain things as we break others. We agree to hold on to certain hands and let go of others. But what about the things you have to break and let go to? They're left behind, to learn a lesson. Or maybe just dwell in self-loathing. Either way, the suffering is inevitable.

Or maybe this is all an exaggeration to justify our guilt. Because, we're in the state of denial. We have been betrayed and we have to come up with a logical answer. Why?

My Tug of War

Phoenix

She furiously scribbles down the words of deception. “Pathetic”, she murmers under her breath.

She’s frustrated, she always is. Lost in her self conjured realm of a black hole containing nothing but baseless and pointless rants. She feeds on the self pity that disgusts her.

“Move on, you drag” she grumbles like a mumbling thunder. Rage is all she can think of. A rage that she can not explain, neither it’s origin, nor it’s destination.

It is a façade, she knows it. After all, she hates cracking open her chest to show off the bloody heart pumping in it's battered form. Plunging into negativity is always something she does, often and fondly. It was sick, maybe psychotic. But she needs to put a finger on the throbbing pain. She can't, unless it can be percieve through her senses.

Sweet surrender, it is. Her vanity swells up to over confidence. She is so sure that she can rise from her ashes. Before that, she has to proceed with her own funeral, burn her own dead body and then reserruct from the dust and smoke that once was her flesh and blood.

"How Emily Dickinson-ish of me", she snickers.

She slowly raises her bloodshot gaze. The dying amber of the dusk lit a fire in her eyes accompanied by the twitch of her lips that formed a grin.

Her

Procrastinating Wrath

Meet me some other day, any day, but not today.
For that day, I shall tear you down to pieces till you become irrepairable and no stitch can hold your scattered pieces together.

But that day, is not today.
For today, I am broken.

Meet me some other day, any day, but not today.
For that day, I shall play your game by your rules. Yes, that dirty little game that you're so proud of. Then, I shall win over and over again until you are defeated and I am unbeatable.

But that day, is not today.
For today, I am defeated.

Meet me some other day, any day, but not today.
For that day, I will use your words agains you and trap you in a maze which will lead you no where to fade away in nothingness.

But that day, is not today.
For today, I am lost.

Meet me some other day, any day, but not today.
For that day, I shall snatch your pride, demolish your vanity, demoralize your values and strip you down to your bare, vulnerable, unprotected soul. That day, you and I shall witness the secret hidden inside you.

But that day, is not today.
For today, my soul seeks shelter.

Meet me some other day, any day but just not today.
And on that day, be prepared. For I shall come prepared to chant the encantations and curses that bind us.
That day, be prepared, for you shall become me and I shall become you.

Be prepared and meet me some day. Any other day, but not today.

Abyss; the Second

Intermittent shadows
Harmless tornados
Fade away
In the rusty sunrise
As the wind breezes
Blow away
Residues of time
Years upon years
Dance away

She sneaks behind me

And as she giggles

Whispers in my ear

The most beautiful words

Of an unknown language

Dispersing in the air

As I catch at them

"The answer lies within"

Imprinted frowns, replaced

Steady heartbeat gains pace

Serenity spreads it's wings

An unknown song it sings

Abyss; the First

In solitude, I dwell
With damnations of Hell
Images; black and white
Mere visions of plight

Scattered self of a broken mirror
I fall, I deplore
Blank gazes, vacant smiles
As I lie on the floor

Hollow laughters echoing
In these shadows, fading.
Had enough of pain?
And yet, nothing to gain.

Amused or confused?
A battle within
Forgiving, not forgetting
A virture or a sin?

Bliss

Through her tinted glasses
She gaped at the fading green
The crawling yellow, the infecting brown
Spreading across
The blurs of nature
And she questions
"Such a world exists?"
Admist the grey masses of steel
The colorful layers
On the cemented walls
Had never given her
What she got, standing
Under the azure
Blotched with white
Inhaling the air, so fresh
That her existence
Revived with redemption

Sometimes

Sometimes,
It is better to walk away.
To walk away, and
to not turn back

To cherish the memories

For the way they were, and

for not what they are, or

what they could be

To believe in the good

For it accompanies the bad, and

the change might be

beyond disappointing

To free your soul

For broken shackles

no longer enchain you, and

you can breathe again

To see the light

For the horizon is vast, and

blinding dark lurks behind dawn

after every sunset

Sometimes,

It is better to turn your back

on what was loved

for a greater love awaits.

I concur, Mr. Eliot

Oh yes, it hurts.

Deep down you feel the glass of your heart echoing as it shatters against the hollowness of your soul.

Alas!

The loveless world; a good-for-nothing wasteland.

Momma

Jumping onto her lap, snuggling and cuddling her, kissing her cheek while passing each other in the hallway, laughing at ludicrous jokes or just hugging her. I'd grown so used to these maternal gestures of intimacy as if her touch was the addiction of my skin. After all, I was a prodigy of not only her bio-genetic make up, but also a seed of her heart, a fragment of her soul. My roots generated from her soil but the rest of the plant was an autonomous structure.

While sipping tea from her cup, her eyes were like a cat; vigilant, aware yet calm and collected. She pauses and coughs. I could feel a twinge as my muscles got tense. No, it wasn't the agony of her pain that bothered me. I was irritated by the sight of her discomfort.
She's like a book, I thought to myself, that has traveled around the world for many years from destination to destination. The pages had become battered with time. Some words misprinted, some deliberately scratched out, a few overwritten. Original words majorly misinterpreted.
Her worried eyes fall upon me, full of lingering questions; fundamentally rhetoric. She is tired yet preoccupied with concern. She's sick and would have given up the battle long ago, but no. To this day, she maintains the stance of a queen. She was once a lioness; who has now sought refuge in a cave, far from the caravan. She observes, as others display. Apparently deceptive as it may be, this is not what is to be called defeat. There's a better strategy of action in store. She is preparing a weapon. Years of meticulous efforts are soon to be paid off.

All she does is sit in her cave, paws crossed and eyes wide open.

Beyond the Apparel

Can you be so sure of your judgement? No. For you do not know what stories are hidden in the depths of a soul or the burdens carried by a battered heart. The finality of a verdict is beyond human vision. What one person feels can neither be identical, nor duplicated. Everyone has their own mind to think and heart to feel. Can you relate to others? Yes. As it is human nature to cling on to thing on the base of familiarity.
But there are certain things that can not be explained, not in words, maybe in actions. There are, what I could call, phenomenons that the soul undergoes. It alters the apparently "normal" situation in particular spacio-temporal conditions. Yet it does not alter the soul that has undergone this transition. Instead, it goes into a trance of meditation. One not only ponders, but questions the evolution of such ideas and feelings. The aloofness alienates the person, dragging them into confusion.
Can this mess ever make sense? Maybe. The world of labels approves everything with a name tag on it. But does every single thing need to be tagged with a name? No. It can only be felt, not spoken of. But if it is undefinable, then how is one to convey what they feel? This maze's path circles around back to where you started.

The truth is inevitable, with or without a name.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. 

Khalil Gibran 

Thoughts and Meditations

"It is the silence which proclaims the coming tempest. And when the tempest makes not its appearance, it is because the silence is stronger than the tempest."

- Kahlil Gibran

Feeling the Beauty

Haunted

Life would be so easier if there was a modify or edit button to come along with every event that takes place. Attaining perfection would actually be possible. As the human soul is never satisfied, not only does the bad need to be repaired but the good needs to be better and better, the best.
We prefer holding on to happier memories, it's not possible to forget the bad ones either. Memories have the power to effect your mood when reminded by a certain event of the past. The happy memories are uplifting and encouraging. They are a door to the brighter side of life. On the other hand, memories that are comparatively not so great leave scars. From time to time, these scars remind us of the mistakes we have made. At places, we might've gone wrong and chose the wrong path. Regret and remorse are by products of such events. Would it be better to sulk in despair or regenerate the amputation?

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt)

It takes time to realize that that's not the way things are and shall not be, at least not any time soon. Just because we are surrounded by advanced forms of technology does not mean that all those electro-mechanical laws are applicable to human lives as it would to robots. It leaves us helpless and feeling pathetic. But that's not necessarily the way it has to be. There are a few things that could be tried like growing out of things that you might've clinged on to long ago. Running away from reality might give the impression of being a permanent solution when it is a temporary escape. Sometimes, you have to embrace the bad part of life too. Yes, there is always room for improvement, but only if you realize that imperfections exist. Ignoring or neglecting them is another issue but engulfing yourself in a state of denial is excruciating.
Holding on to things isn't requisite. Moving on would be comparatively exhilarating. Everyone lives their own life. It'd be much easier if we actually took charge of it. If we don't, someone else will. It's like handing over the keys of your car and let the driver take you anywhere they want. Life is too short and precious to give up to someone else.

Jackass of All Trades

It becomes difficult to comprehend how a single individual is prone to sticking his Pinocchio nose in to everything and anything. It's like scattering your energy into various areas. In such conditions, one is unable to shed light upon a specific area, clearly. There are blotches and spots of intermittent rays. Instead, it would be much easier to just converge all that energy and create one strong beam of light that brightens a place that is actually worth the effort.

Chaos Prodigy

Man seems to constantly be struggling. Struggling for or against things; that one shares a love-hate relationship with. We are in a mental and physical state of chaos. We are the product of this chaos. No wonder so many people prefer to just retire from all cliches. After all, everyone has the right to look for their own solutions. The problem lies in our existence. Before human beings, things were already existing, or were they? No one questions the existence of every possible entity the way humans do. This is where religion builds faith and instates the ability to believe.

The choice of faith is a very crucial one.
The pompous part of being a human is that we have this daunting urge to convince and prove our righteousness. Individually and mutually people are fighting for what they think is right. Some people have combined motives, others have comparatively personal ones.
At the end of the day, there is a story behind everything. Sometimes, we are able to figure it out. Other times, the story is out of reach and we have to figure it out for ourselves with the help of a highly complex organ called; the brain. Let's face the music, we all use it every now and then. The questions erupt and overflow. It isn't possible to have everything figured out. Many questions are rhetoric just to let things be the way they are. The fascination of human obsession carries him away every now and then. Not getting what one desires perturbs him. That is when he seeks refuge in escape.

The moment to live in the illusion.  
Close your eyes and shut it all out. Crawl under your bed and sneak out through a tunnel that leads you to where you have figured it all out and it makes sense. No need to fake anything for anyone, not even yourself. That is when you find your true self. 
That illusion is the moment of disillusionment.

Humans

Humans are always catching at a straw. There seems to be a need to cling on to things that seem familiar. The concept of intimacy fascinates many of us. Some shut that part off as if life was digital just like the current mechanical world. Just because we live in a world of machines does not make us machines. No matter how good we are at showing off this facade of being strong like metal, the fact remains undeniable that we are not robots. We are not made of metal or plastic. Though our lives seem pretty dependable on these things. Alas, the amusing by-products of this industrially revolutionized world!
The intriguing part of all of this is that man's essential nature has not changed. Even when surrounded by the bewildering technology, electronic gadgets of fascination and astonishing digitized outburst, man is still the same. It's pleasing to observe the historical gender-biased discussions still prevailing. The whole "guys vs girls"; we rule you drool concept is still in vogue. That proves that humans are intact with their instincts. From the sense of compatibility to spirit of competition, passion to aggression, love to hate, ignorance to knowledge... It is pleasing to know that humans are not extinct. Even though man has devised machines that can replace the human heart and robots of artificial intelligence to replace the human brain, man still thinks and feels just like he always has.

Emancipation from these chains

Free yourself!
From the chains that you have bound yourself in. From the ever tiring reality that surrounds you. Reason, intellect, logic... They all shall intertwine your brain just like strings of wool. There shall be no start and no end. Just a jumble of mess, a heap of dung.
Grow up!
Realize, that the heart is given so much importance for a reason. Emotions do make you helpless. Do not be afraid of it! Stop whining about how weak they make you. Don't complain about the pain they give you. Seek pleasure in the flight of your imagination. Elevate your soul to the heights of heart-felt feelings.
Let go!
You are not meant to hold on to the hard facts and figures of life. Life does not follow binary system. It's like a hour glass that slips by with time. It leaves behind sand dunes of memories. Memories are never associated with logic. They are always associated with emotions. Happy, sad, enraging, jealous, inspirational, silly and crazy memories. Do you think before you feel? Do you send your brain an application of approval before you feel pain when you get hurt or when you laugh with joy?
Believe in love!
Lean your shoulder and cry your heart out. Someone is there who wants to hold you and reassure you that they are always going to be there for you. Yes, there is someone out there, not necessarily for forever, but for as long as possible. There for you. The person who shall make your silly, idealistic, lovey dovey dreams come true. Give your heart out to them. Hurting is a by product, nothing to worry about. The caution snatches the fun from love. Let yourself lose! They don't call it falling in love for nothing. You fall, you don't follow the trend of "look before you leap". No, not here. Don't.
Listen!
Set your soul free, let your emotions flee, feel your heart beat and listen to the rhythm that flows in your veins and pumps life into you every second of the day... for the rest of your life...