Spectacle

Look into my eyes, and look at my face
Then lie to me that you don't see the ache

A fragment within me, is now, dead
As unheard footsteps, on my dreams, tread

Break through my ribs and tear out my heart
Watch me! As I fall apart

But you promised!

It's amusing, how random words from random sources might be so relateable. The universality of human nature connects us to each other. The context might be different, but the essence is the same.

This particular quote is from a TV show I have grown very fond of. Who doesn't like their favorite character being killed off as soon as they become likeable? Might as well die before they become despicable. But that moment, when you have to grasp the idea that you won't be seeing more of that character anymore provokes some baser emotions.

A state of denial tends to overwhelm us and then we seek escape. It would be better to just leave it all behind and move towards some new horizon. The disgust of bitter betrayal makes us feel like we have been  victimized. Which leads to over thinking, over analyzing and unnecessary contemplation. A big fat mess, that's what it is.

But escape is not the solution. We can't just get a ticket to no-land and burn the glorious present to ashes, can't we? Or can we? In order to maintain the balance of our lives, we make certain things as we break others. We agree to hold on to certain hands and let go of others. But what about the things you have to break and let go to? They're left behind, to learn a lesson. Or maybe just dwell in self-loathing. Either way, the suffering is inevitable.

Or maybe this is all an exaggeration to justify our guilt. Because, we're in the state of denial. We have been betrayed and we have to come up with a logical answer. Why?

My Tug of War

Phoenix

She furiously scribbles down the words of deception. “Pathetic”, she murmers under her breath.

She’s frustrated, she always is. Lost in her self conjured realm of a black hole containing nothing but baseless and pointless rants. She feeds on the self pity that disgusts her.

“Move on, you drag” she grumbles like a mumbling thunder. Rage is all she can think of. A rage that she can not explain, neither it’s origin, nor it’s destination.

It is a façade, she knows it. After all, she hates cracking open her chest to show off the bloody heart pumping in it's battered form. Plunging into negativity is always something she does, often and fondly. It was sick, maybe psychotic. But she needs to put a finger on the throbbing pain. She can't, unless it can be percieve through her senses.

Sweet surrender, it is. Her vanity swells up to over confidence. She is so sure that she can rise from her ashes. Before that, she has to proceed with her own funeral, burn her own dead body and then reserruct from the dust and smoke that once was her flesh and blood.

"How Emily Dickinson-ish of me", she snickers.

She slowly raises her bloodshot gaze. The dying amber of the dusk lit a fire in her eyes accompanied by the twitch of her lips that formed a grin.

Her

Procrastinating Wrath

Meet me some other day, any day, but not today.
For that day, I shall tear you down to pieces till you become irrepairable and no stitch can hold your scattered pieces together.

But that day, is not today.
For today, I am broken.

Meet me some other day, any day, but not today.
For that day, I shall play your game by your rules. Yes, that dirty little game that you're so proud of. Then, I shall win over and over again until you are defeated and I am unbeatable.

But that day, is not today.
For today, I am defeated.

Meet me some other day, any day, but not today.
For that day, I will use your words agains you and trap you in a maze which will lead you no where to fade away in nothingness.

But that day, is not today.
For today, I am lost.

Meet me some other day, any day, but not today.
For that day, I shall snatch your pride, demolish your vanity, demoralize your values and strip you down to your bare, vulnerable, unprotected soul. That day, you and I shall witness the secret hidden inside you.

But that day, is not today.
For today, my soul seeks shelter.

Meet me some other day, any day but just not today.
And on that day, be prepared. For I shall come prepared to chant the encantations and curses that bind us.
That day, be prepared, for you shall become me and I shall become you.

Be prepared and meet me some day. Any other day, but not today.

Abyss; the Second

Intermittent shadows
Harmless tornados
Fade away
In the rusty sunrise
As the wind breezes
Blow away
Residues of time
Years upon years
Dance away

She sneaks behind me

And as she giggles

Whispers in my ear

The most beautiful words

Of an unknown language

Dispersing in the air

As I catch at them

"The answer lies within"

Imprinted frowns, replaced

Steady heartbeat gains pace

Serenity spreads it's wings

An unknown song it sings